Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
