God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
