how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
