im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
