Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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