Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
