shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
