That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
