can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
