im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
