We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
