Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
