When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
