so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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