dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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