don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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