Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
