No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
