I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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