After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
