Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
