i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
