This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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