you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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