dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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