I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
