it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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