she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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