I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
