Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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