I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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