When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
