I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
