that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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