wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
