i jhust puked up my retainher.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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