all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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