im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
