I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
