i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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