Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
