so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
