Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
