Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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