Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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