I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
