he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
