I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
