You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
