Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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