I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
