mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
