why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
