Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
