I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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