he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
