i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
