so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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